


The Last Astronauts

by localgoth



Category: To Be Taught If Fortunate - Becky Chambers
Genre: HEAVY ON THE FEELINGS, Missing Scene, Multi, Polyamory, Space Exploration, couldn't find last names for Jack and Chikondi sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localgoth/pseuds/localgoth
Summary: What could be their final mission comes to an end. Ariadne questions her decision.
Relationships: Ariadne O'Neill/Elena Quesada-Cruz, Ariadne O'Neill/Jack, Elena Quesada-Cruz/Jack
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	The Last Astronauts

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to see these scenes in the book. It leaves off with their decision but they still have three years on the planet and it made me think that during that time, they definitely had to have had some second thoughts about it and selfish emotions. idk

**Three Days...**

Ariadne begins her day the same as she had for the past three years - checking the communications console for a message she only half believes will be there. She knows it is too soon for an answer. Her message to Earth and the subsequent question posed was still in transit and would be for the next eleven years - such was the lag in communicating in space. No, what she hopes for is any sign that the conditions on Earth had changed - even the news finally being screened through to them would be a welcome change - but she is met with the same blank screen. Her shoulders wilt. It was a long shot but time was running out. She had committed to the terms she stated in the message, but a part of her had hoped her message would have proved unnecessary, that there was still an Earth waiting for them and their valuable data, that there was still an OCA to welcome her home and to see other brave astronauts into space and onto impossible worlds. 

Three years had given her time to accept her three potential fates; being summoned back to a ruined Earth, sent off to a fifth planet that she would not be able to return from, or die in torpor in space. It got easier with each passing day, but every now and then she had the overwhelming instinct that wanted to survive, even if it meant having to choose the choice was not the kindest. She might entertain it for a moment, then move on and instead focus on helping one of the crew with their research. What was best for her was not necessarily the best for humanity and she owed it to them to make the right choice.

The feeling of fingertips tracing along her back wakes Ariadne from her trance. “Ari.” Ariadne looks up to see Elena standing behind her. The look on her face is almost chastising and she can hear what Elena is thinking without her saying it. She needs to stop obsessing over a message that won’t come. They will die as astronauts if they need to, and even Ariadne admits it would be an honor.

“Will you shave my head?” Ariadne asks Elena. She had let it grow out for their duration on Votum and now its length brushed the top of her shoulders. She liked it when Elena twirled locks of it around her fingers when they cuddled. She liked it when Elena pulled it with pleasure while she went down on her. But now it had served its purpose and it would be easiest to have a bare head when going into torpor, no saying how long she would be under or how much her hair would grow then. She trusted no one else to do a clean job besides Elena.

It was appropriate, she realized once she was seated on the bathroom floor once more, encased in Elena’s legs, that their mission ended the way it had began - with Elena shaving her head. Her hair tickles as it falls loose from her scalp and lands on the ground. “I’m going to miss it,” Elena remarks, but she doesn’t stop. Someday, on Earth or on Tivael, Ariadne hopes to let it grow again. She hopes to find herself in Elena’s arms, comforted by her strength and cool composure, and her undeniable experience. 

“I’m going to miss _you,_ ” Ariadne replies, feeling pin pricks in her eyes. She is grateful her back is to Elena, but her voice betrays the emotion. Elena pauses, holding the buzzing razor eating open air away from her head. A hand sneaks around Ariadne’s body, reaching. Ariadne takes it and gives it a squeeze. 

**Two Days...**

Ariadne wakes first and spends her early moments of consciousness looking at Jack. She knows he will resist any effort she makes to wake him, but she decides to let him sleep. He’s earned this rest after nine years of almost constant work. 

She remembers how happy he was on Mirabilis - how happy they _all_ were. The nights she spent with him, alternating with Elena. His confidence, his passion for his work and how effortless he made it seem despite his job being far from it. She finds herself wishing for Mirabilis for the first time since they left Opera. It was by far the most lush of any of the worlds they had been to. Life was thriving and diverse on Mirabilis. She could have happily been a permanent fixture of it. Four years was not long enough to study the planet. They had so much more they could learn if they spent the rest of their lives there. It was a wonderful dream to entertain, but that was all it would ever be. They could not live on Mirabilis long term without making a mark, disrupting the natural state of the world and subsequently, corrupting the data.

For now, she was still on Votum and with Jack, their cots pushed together to make one large bed for them to share. She cups his face, admiring the way age had touched him throughout the duration of their mission. He had been the youngest of the crew, but even Jack showed signs of aging. He was still devilishly handsome, enough to work his way out of trouble with a single grin as always. Her fingers traced down his neck, across the slightest hint of stubble coming back in despite his efforts to keep it shaved. She touches his chest, crossing twin scars and resting in the middle. She feels his heart as it pounds - not nearly as loud and powerful as the somaforming had made it on Mirabilis, but still wonderful. 

She’s ready to start her day and hoping to steal a glance at the console without Elena catching her. She leans in to steal a quick kiss, but at the touch, Jack rouses. His hand closes loosely over Ariadne’s. It’s enough to make her pause. “Hng, stay,” His voice is groggy and his eyes refuse to open. 

“Jack, I’m not like you and can just pull all my work off at the last minute,” Ariadne points out. He responds by closing his hand ever so slightly tighter. Ariadne rolls her eyes, breaths a laugh and gives in. 

**One Day...**

Silence is loud when waiting for something to be said. Ariadne went the duration of the day resisting the urge to check the comms console, but it seduces her in the final moments of the day. Empty. No sinking feeling in her chest when she already knew.

She passes her own room in favor of Chikondi’s, knocking against the door and opening it when there was no invitation to come in. Chikondi is awake and on his bed. The glow of his tablet shines on his face, and now inside, she can hear the faintest buzz of his earbuds streaming music into his ear. She waits for him to notice. It takes him a moment, as it always does. 

“I thought you would be with the others,” Chikondi speaks. 

“I figured I’d give them some time alone,” Ariadne replies with a shrug. The walls of the ship are not nearly thick enough to stifle the raised voices she hears from the following room. Somehow the two have found something to argue about in these last moments of their mission. For them it is all part of the process, Ariadne thinks. Even in bed. 

Chikondi shifts, creating a space for Ariadne. She settles in next to him, looks at the tablet he has before him. He offers her one of his buds, and she nestles it into her ear. A slow, experimental song fills her eardrum. There were instruments in it she does not know the name of, let alone what they might look like, but it is the perfect soundtrack to viewing what Chikondi looks at on his tablet.

He flicks through; each picture one of the drawings they had done of the creatures they had observed on the mission. The bioluminescent fish of Aecor. The plentiful and diverse mammals of Mirabilis. The god awful “rats” of Opera. The single celled organisms of Votum. She spotted drawings she had done, stifled laughter at the juxtaposition of Jack’s shakey-yet-conveys-the-information-well-enough drawings against Chikondi’s neat and precise ones. 

“I’m sorry you might not get your dog after all,” Ariadne speaks, remembering what Chikondi had talked about while trying to coax her back into the airlock. 

“Who knows? Maybe Tivael will have alien dogs,” Chikondi jokes lightly. Ariadne hums a laugh. She nuzzles in closer to Chikondi. She appreciates Chikondi’s quiet focus. He was an absolute star at his field, yet modest and preferring to hang in the back. And she appreciated his company, he preferred cuddling over anything more physical, but it was their conversations that Ariadne liked best.

“We had one hell of a trip,” Ariadne comments as the pictures continue. The information seems endless and it’s a lonesome hope that someday someone might see it. They can’t be the only ones to know what they had learned. It does not feel fair, though she’s already mourned the thought hundreds of times.

“We’re going to have a hell of a new one next,” Chikondi assures.

**Zero...**

The leave from Votum was nowhere near as rushed as it had been from Opera. On Opera, they were desperately grasping for what could have been their only escape from the planet’s heavy storm. On Votum, there was no rush, and the Merian crew takes advantage of it. 

They scope the familiar grounds where all the research of the past four years had taken place under the excuse of not wanting to accidentally leave a tool behind that could cause an unintentional butterfly effect on the world. Ariadne relishes in the cool calmness of the cave that had become a shelter to their ship and their labs. The crew walks along the shore of Lei’s river, which bustled with unseen single cell life. Ariadne mourned they could not have observed life evolving into more complicated forms during their stay, but seeing the beginnings of life on the planet was just as good. The walk is quiet, spent in observation. She thinks there is not an inch of the cave she has not yet already seen, but knowing it would be her last opportunity to look at it makes her eyes want to linger longer.

They make it to the entrance, wanting to gaze upon above ground one last time before making preparations for take off. Ariadne stared at the stark sands of the planet, remembers how welcome of a change it was compared to the heavy waters of Opera. The red star hangs large in the sky, giving the planet it’s everlasting day. Even the oppressing heat on her skin is welcome. It’s not hurting her but too much to be comfortable in, yet she finds herself enjoying it - like an embrace from the star they had orbited around the past nine years.

She feels her crew at her side and reaches to link hands. Elena on her right. Jack on her left. Chikondi holding his left. They stand for a moment longer. The only four multicellular life on the planet. Possibly the last four astronauts in the universe.

Packing is done with greater care than protocol. Ariadne does not fear a misplaced item sabotaging their journey, but she knows everyone is buying what time they can with the excuse before they have to leave. Helping each other stow the labs and equipment away could possibly be the last thing they ever do as a crew.

Ariadne wonders if they will stay together on Earth. OCA is no doubt dissolved and their responsibilities on Earth would not revolve around space exploration, but rather trying to rebuild what the solar flare had devastated. Would they each return to their home grounds and try to salvage what they could? Or would they remain the same team they were that spent back to back hours identifying strange new lifeforms, or desperately scrambled for an escape when their mission had not gone as planned? These thoughts might not even matter, Ariadne realizes, for it could not be what their future told. 

Lift off is a minute challenge to maneuver the ship out of the cave, but once they are in open air, Ariande is able to relax. She watches the planet beneath them grow smaller as they reach greater heights and break through the atmosphere. Once they are in Votum’s orbit, she cuts the engines and allows the ship to slowly drift in circles like a brand new moon for the planet. 

There is nothing else to do. No other distractions. Nothing else that could buy them time. They became a floating, alive mass of arms reaching towards each other, bodies pressing closer, kisses on the lips, on the cheeks, on whatever part of an other body that could be reached. No one wanted to let go for fear of wasting what could be the last time they saw each other, but inevitably, they float apart. 

She retreats to her room, along with everyone else. Private rooms were a luxury in a close compact ship, but at this moment it seems a tragedy that each of them would have to go into torpor alone. Ariadne strips the cloth from her body, folds it and tucks it away where she could only hope she would one day retrieve it once more. She floats over towards the mirror, one last person she had yet to say goodbye to - herself. Her body had gone through many changes throughout the mission, thanks to the somaforming, but now she looked mostly normal. Just like the Ariadne that had left Earth, except now a decade older. She forgives her body for the signs of aging, the creases at the corners of her eyes and the silver strands that glittered on her shaved head. If this is the last time she gets to see herself, she wants to be on good terms. 

Backing herself into the pod is just another task at this point. She tucks her wrists into the secures, so she is no longer floating free in the air. When the door closes, it’s the first time she feels claustrophobic in a torpor chamber, but for all she knows, it could end up being her casket. She tries to abandon the thought as the machine begins the process. She closes her eyes, hoping it would make the tiny pod feel larger. She asks herself where she wants to be. Deep down, she has a hope for how Earth might answer her question, one option that she secretly wants more than the others, but that isn’t what she imagines. She imagines Elena, Jack and Chikondi. She imagines long nights together, insightful conversations, arguments they will have. She imagines food and laughter they will share together. Embraces, tears and comfort, moments they will want space, moments spent in silence. It doesn’t matter where she wakes up, Ariadne knows, it’s who she is with. 


End file.
